The N and S Show
by DREAM-BISCUIT
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke are the hosts of a show that answers questions about the characters of Naruto. Guest appearances from Naruto characters. Ch.5, After a long time, it's back kiddies!
1. Pilot Episode

Hello Dream-biscuit here. Sorry I haven't been online in a long time, it has been a hard time for me lately. I'd like to take this time to acknowledge my father, Simeon, who passed away on October 25, 2006 (No I'm not old, I am still teenager) I am also still deciding if I will continue _Sunny Days in Konoha_. Well here is my new story, _N and S Know! _Starring, Uzumaki Naruto, and Uchiha Sasuke; with a guest appearance from the heiress of the Hyuga family, Hyuga Hinata.

Disclaimer-I only own Naruto and his assorted friends in my dreams

Contest-I have a few quotes from an old show right here, and the first person who gives can tell me the show's name and/or the two characters' names, I'll grant that person one wish that is within my Fanfic power.

THE QUOTES:

Who loves orange soda?

Kel loves orange soda!

Is it true?

Mmm-hmm! I do, I do, I do-ooo!

Aww, her it goes!

I just gave you a hint right there, so let's see who will win!

Here's the story!

--

(Loud clapping and cheering from the studio audience can be seen and heard as the camera pans over the audience. The camera finally stops viewing on the unimportant people and zooms in on the hosts of the _N and S Knows_, Nick, and Sarah! Nah! I'm just messing with you, it's Naruto and Sasuke!

"Hey everybody, I'm Naruto; you may remember me from such animes such as: Naruto from _Naruto, _and, uhhh... well...that's kinda it."

"Yo losers, I'm Uchiha Sasuke, and you probably remember me from the animes _Naruto _and _Bleach_."

"Sasuke, one, why do you have to be such a moody, miserable bastard all the time, and two, I watch Bleach, and I don't see you there."

"In that order, I'm EMO, and I play Uryuu Ishida."

"But you don't look like..."

"That is the miracle of makeup, CG effects, and badass acting skills" said Sasuke smugly

"Okay...moving on; today on _N and S Know_, we're going to talk about the mystery of Hinata's blush!"

(The crowd oooohhhhhhhhssss in delight)

"Sasuke, why do you think Hinata blushes a lot; whenever I look at her she's as red as a ripe tomato."

(The crowd giggles at Naruto's ignorance)

"Well dumb shit, the reason Hinata blushes every time you see her is quite simple."

"Oh, well if you know than tell me asshole!"

"The reason is..."

(The crowd leans in as Sasuke tells Naruto the truth)

"The reason is... Hinata's a pervert!"

(The crowd roars in excited happiness as they think that's the truth behind Hinata's blush too.)

"What? Why do you think that Sasuke?"

"Use your head for once idiot, with the Byakugun, she can look into any guys' pants and check out their package."

"But why don't I see Neji blush, Sasuke?"

"Naruto, you're a guy, of course you don't see him blush, Neji may have long hair, but he ain't a bender. Besides Neji is way too EMO to blush at girls' "things," trust me, I'm EMO too.

"Really Sasuke, I thought you don't blush in front of girls because you're a queer!"

"Fuck you, you dumbass wanker!

Naruto and Sasuke looked like they were going to fight right there and now. Some of the female members of the group, (and some guys) encouraged the fight, commanding the boys to rip each other's clothes off during the fight (for obvious reasons).

Thankfully (or sadly for some people) the heiress of the Hyuga family stopped the fight.

"Excuse me" said Hinata softly. "I'd just like to say that I'm not a pervert."

"Oh don't lie, everybody knows that it's the truth" said Sasuke sticking to his claim.

"But, I'm really not" replied Hinata.

"Come on Sasuke, give the girl a chance to defend herself." said Naruto.

"Naruto..." and as we all would have guessed, Hinata blushed redder than a juicy apple.

"See Naruto, Hinata is a perv!" said Sasuke trying to prove his point

"Hinata, please tell us, why do you blush so much?" asked Naruto moving towards Hinata.

Hinata looked straight at the ground.

"Well...I...I..."

When Hinata looked up to tell Naruto the truth, the first things her shy, little brain registered, was that Naruto was staring at her in the face only two inches away with such an intensity (clearly Naruto doesn't know the term, "personal space"). Not to mention there was a huge amount of people in the crowd, and a lot (hopefully) of people reading this Fanfic. This caused her sensitive brain to switch to defense mode, thus causing her to pass out as usual.

"Well there you have it folks, Hinata is a perv, I'm always right, and it's the end of the show, SO GET THE FUCK OUT!"

(The crowd exited the studio, happy because of the show, yet angry that Sasuke shooed them out)

Naruto just stood there and sighed.

"Yo, what's your problem; the shows over, time to leave and get on with our miserable lives."

"I'm kinda disappointed..." said Naruto sadly.

"Why, I thought it was a successful pilot episode."

"No it's not that, it's just..."

"Just what!?" said Sasuke annoyed that Naruto was stealing his "moody, miserable bastard shtick."

"I'm just disappointed that Hinata is a perv...I kinda liked her."

"Meh, don't worry man, there's plenty more fish in the sea. If you want, I can give you one of my fan girls!" said Sasuke both gloating and trying to comfort his best friend.

"No thanks..." said Naruto still depressed.

"How about I buy you a couple of drinks?"

"But we're minors, we can't drink!"

"Dude, we're celebrities, we can get away with all kinds of shit!" said Sasuke with (this going to be hard to believe) a smile.

Naruto smiled back accepting his friend's invitation.

"Can we bring Hinata back to her mansion first though?" said Naruto slinging the passed out Hinata onto his back.

"Sure buddy."

"The two (three if you count Hinata) walked off to the sunset.

"Thanks Sasuke."

"You're welcome, just don't get used to it"

--

Author's note: Wow I was just thinking to end it after Sasuke tells all the people to fuck off, but I just had to have a NarutoxHinata moment. It also gave me a chance to show Naruto and Sasuke's "best friend vibe". Well hope you enjoyed, I'm glad to be back. Don't forget about the contest! Tell me what you think about this story so far... (If I decide to continue this) If you don't watch the anime _Bleach, _check it, you might like it, and the main character looks like a certain someone, and you may find the VA for Uryuu Ishida sounds very familiar. If you're a newcomer, try reading my other story _Sunny Days in Konoha. _Please bear with me in certain chapters; it is my first Fanfic. Well see you next time everybody.


	2. Sannin and Sake

Hey everybody, DB here, another episode of _The N and S Show. _I would just like to clarify something though. _The N and S Show _is the name of the Fic. _N and S know _is the name of the show within the Fic.

I would also like to take this time to congratulate raiden no onna, who was **NOT **lazy and guessed the show. And he/she asked for it he/she got the wish granted.

If you have a guest you'd like to recommend for the show, or a question you want answered, I will try and "persuade" that character to come on down, or persuade N and S to talk about the question!

I would also like to address that my chapters may become weekly, due to the that I'm only one person, it takes some time to think up ideas, put them on Fanfic, and proofread them. If you want, I could just give crappy, poor-grammar, filler-like episodes everyday, but I don't think you want that...do you?

Oh, and Sienna Maiu, you get a wish to, because so far your my #1 Fan! Let's go!

Disclaimer-_Naruto_, don't own it.

--

The camera paned over the live audience; they were clearly excited for another episode of **_N and S Know_**! The camera final centers on the hosts of the show; upon closer inspection something was slightly...off about Naruto and Sasuke.

"Oh my God, Sasuke, you were so drunk off your ass, last night! I can't believe you were hitting on Sakura! It was so fucking priceless how you slurred almost every word hahahaha...oooowowwowo!" said a clearly wasted Naruto.

"At least I'm not suffering from a hangover, you freakin' puff ball!" retorted Sasuke, denying that his reputation was going to be in the toilet for a while.

"Yo fucktards, you're on!" exclaimed one of the stage directors.

"Oh quit your bitching, we know, we know!" said Naruto.

"Today, our 'special' guests are The Legendary Three Sannin, The 'Young' Tsunade, The Pedophiliac Orochimaru, and The Perverted Jiraiya." said Sasuke in a mocking tone.

"Yo Sasuke, ever notice how all three of them have something sex-related about them?" said Naruto

"Like what?" replied Sasuke.

"Well, Tsunade-no-baachan has huge knockers, Oro-chan is a pedophile, and Ero-sennin is always peeping at girls at the hot springs! Now that I think about it, Sandaime Hokage was a bit of a pervert too."

"Okay, enough small-talk, let's get our guests out here already! Here they are, The Legendary Three Sannin!"

A huge uproar comes from the crowd as Tsunade and Jiraiya make their way to the stage. Orochimaru is wheeled on stage by one of the security guards; while wearing a straight-jacket, and a muzzle around his face. The crowd starts booing at his restrained ass.

Orochimaru angrily shakes off the muzzle from his face and says, "WHAT THE HELL! I HAVE RIGHTS TOO YA KNOW! I DON"T KIND OF DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT! WHAT ABOUT MY RIGHTS AS A CITIZEN!

"You'd be right if this was America, but you're in Japan Town BIOTCH!" said Sasuke triumphantly. The crowd started to go wild.

"And you really do deserve this; you performed inhuman experiments, killed countless people, attacked Konoha, killed the Sandaime, attacked Ero-sennin and Granny Tsunade, and even convinced 'EMO boy' over here to go to the Dark-side for a while! And the list goes on and on, do you want to hear more, Oro-chan?" said Naruto holding a twenty-five-and-a half foot scroll.

"Just ask a question..." said an annoyed Orochimaru.

"Okay, Jiraiya, for those who haven't read the manga, and just watch the anime series of _Naruto_, can you tell us anything about the members of Akatsuki, or their intentions?"

"Well, I don't want to spoil too much for the fans, but there are currently nine active members of Akatsuki, and each member is as powerful as Tsunade, Oro-chan, or me."

"STOP CALLING ME ORO-CHAN!!!" said a clearly pissed off Oro-chan.

"Quiet, now Oro-chan, or would YOU like to talk about Akatsuki...when they could be listening in on YOU right now!" said Tsunade in a sly, all-knowing tone.

Orochimaru looked at the security cameras and broke out in a cold-sweat. "No, can we please move on to another subject?"

"Fair enough, Orochimaru, what do you plan to do if you learn every jutsu in the world, and become immortal?" asked Naruto.

"I will take over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" declared Orochimaru evilly.

Everybody in the studio was so silent, you could hear crickets chirping.

"What?" asked Orochimaru inquisitively.

"Taking over the world; man that is so cliché!" said Naruto.

"Trust me Oro-chan, there is nothing good about being a tyrant, especially forever; the days of fat roman emperors are over!" said the Godaime Hokage.

A rain cloud appeared above Orochimaru's head, as his ambition was viewed as pathetic by his own enemies.

"Okay and our final question of the day is for Old Lady Tsunade!" said Naruto

"I'll answer whatever question you ask as long as you don't call me old until after the show is over!" said a pissed off Tsunade.

"Really!?" said a wide-eyed Naruto.

"I'm a woman of my word!"

"Okay, 'Tsu-na-de', how old are you exactly!" said a grinning Naruto.

"WHA-WHAT!?" said a surprised Tsunade.

"You heard me 'Tsunade-sama'!"

"He's got you there Tsunade, you promised you would answer it, and now you have to!" said Jiraiya.

"But a true lady never tells!" exclaimed Tsunade.

"Tsunade!" said Jiraiya urging on Tsunade.

"Oh...okay, my real age is..."

Tsunade was about to tell the entire audience her biggest secret when all of a sudden a siren could be heard throughout the studio.

"You all know what that means, right!" said Naruto smiling.

"No!" said all of the members of the audience at once.

"It means two things; one being it's the end of today's show. Thank God." said Sasuke, not wanting to put up with geeky anime fans.

The crowd let out a murmur of disappointment.

"But the cool thing is, the siren means we're having a party right here right now in the studio, and everybody is invited!"

The crowd started to go wild as loud music started to play, and alcoholic beverages were being served by Sakura, Temari, Tenten, and Ino who are wearing cocktail dresses.

Tsunade got so many shots of alcohol in her system; she ripped off her shirt, resulting in nose-bleeds, erections, and Jiraiya taking pictures.

Sasuke, had a wine bottle or two, and was approached by Sakura.

"Hey good lookin'!" said Sakura putting on the moves.

A drunken Sasuke merely looked at her with glazed-over eyes, shrugged, and said, "Meh, what the hell?" as he grabbed Sakura, dipped her tango-style, and open-mouthed kissed her.

Naruto ripped off his shirt and started dancing on the coffee table on the stage. Every girl blushed and cheered at the half-naked fifteen-year-old, especially the girl with dark-indigo hair staring at him from behind the entrance doors.

Orochimaru could only stand there and cry as everybody had forgotten to remove his restraints, making him unable to chug, puke, or have fun in any way.

--

A/N: W00t! Party! Okay everybody, before I get into the thick of the party; give me some other people to interview, or questions you want answered from the Naruto world. I'll be happy to oblige. Well see ya, I'm going to play "Pin the Tail on the Oro-chan!"

P.S.-I'M A DUDE!


	3. The Good, the Bad, and the EMO

DB-Hey, did you miss me? Well that makes one of us!

Seriously, thanks for all the support, I think of and write down ideas, everyday, and I'm going to use them in my chapter.

If I don't use your idea for hosts when you request them, don't worry, I may still use them later in the story! I've got my own ideas and free will too you know... well at least I have ideas.

Well here's the next chapter! I wonder what's going to happen...well no, not really, I already know... I mean I wrote the damn chapter.

**_DISCLAIMER-_** I own _Naruto_! sigh... I wish.

I also don't own any of the copyrighted/ reference jokes below. E.g. the ones talking about real-life people, events, places, etc.

--

By now, we all know the drill. The camera pans over the audience, showing the excited people. Everybody is going wild for the show to start. And so they ask, so shall they receive. The camera finally ends its roaming and centers in on the hosts of the show, Naruto and Sasuke.

"Hey everybody, how are you doing today? I'm feeling great today, and we're going to have a great show!" exclaimed an unusually upbeat Sasuke.

The crowd stood frozen in shock.

"Sasuke...are you all right!?" asked a concerned Naruto.

"Oh, I'm fine, I've decided that I'm going to stop being EMO, and live my life happily, instead of just living for revenge." replied the new Sasuke.

"Really, that's great; then you should have no problems with our next guests then! Here they are Itachi and Kisame!" announced Naruto.

"Wha-What!?" said a shocked Sasuke.

Itachi and Kisame walked up to stage from behind the curtains.

"Greetings Naruto-kun" said Itachi.

"Sup Niggas!" said Kisame.

Itachi and Kisame calmly took seats across from Naruto and Sasuke.

"Bet its great to see your brother again since you're giving up the 'avenger shtick' eh Sasuke!?" said a grinning Naruto.

Sasuke's rage was rekindled the second he saw Itachi.

"I"LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" said Sasuke lunging at Itachi.

However he was caught by the collar by Naruto.

"Naruto let me go, if you do, I'll count it as an early birth day present!"

"Meh, I wasn't going to get you anything for your birthday anyway." replied Naruto "Sasuke, I know you hate him, but we can't afford the collateral damage, if you go avenger on his ass, then it'll come out of our paychecks, understand!"

"Crap, then I have no choice, I call an EMO-off!" declared Sasuke.

"Let's go then." said Itachi standing up.

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! This is _N and S know_, not _Jerry Springer_! If you want to do this EMO contest or whatever, I have to ask questions first." said Naruto temporarily

post-poning the fight.

"All right... Naruto-kun, what do you wish to know?" said Itachi sitting back down.

"Naruto don't trust him, he'll try to kidnap you!" said Sasuke accusingly

"Foolish little brother, I signed a contract with the director of the show. If I do anything fishy, I'll have to battle two opponents even more powerful and eviler than me." replied Itachi.

"Who?" asked Naruto.

"An attorney and the corrupt legal system." answered Itachi.

"Oh..." said Naruto getting his answer

"Here's the contract to prove it." said Kisame handing Sasuke the legally binding piece of paper.

"Read the back, it has a special message I wrote for you." said Itachi.

Sasuke turned the paper over.

In bold print, it said "_Sasuke plays with his own nuts... in his mouth."_

"YOU SON OF A BITCH" said an enrage Sasuke.

"We have the same mother idiot, that's why I always call you 'my foolish little **brother**" replied Itachi.

"Uh...Itachi, getting back on track, may I ask why do you want to kidnap me?" asked Naruto.

"Well, let's just say there is something about you very special. And that you could be a great asset if we capture you." answered Itachi.

"What do you plan to do with me?" asked Naruto.

"Well that would be giving away too much." said Kisame.

"Then may I ask why you color your fingers with 'sea foam' nail polish?"

"Well...uh... the nail polish is part of the uniform, just like these nifty cloaks and cool hats!"

"Come on Itachi, tell the whole truth, the only reason we paint our nails is because **YOU **insisted it to the boss!" said Kisame.

"Is it wrong for a guy to feel pretty?" asked Itachi

"YES**!" **answered everybody within ear shot.

"Oh..." Itachi then went to a corner, and had a gloom cloud hover over his head.

"Screw this, Itachi I challenge you to an EMO-off!" said Sasuke challengingly.

Itachi merely stayed in his corner sulking, not even paying attention to his brother.

"Nice opening move! Feeling bad about yourself, and your homosexual urges!" said Sasuke thinking that Itachi had already accepted his challenge.

The second Itachi heard Sasuke's remark, he burst into anger.

"I'M NOT QUEER! I JUST LIKE TO FEEL PRETTY!" yelled Itachi with anger.

Itachi ran and kicked Sasuke, sending him crashing through the wall of the studio.

Sasuke rose and steeped through the broken wall, reentering the studio. Sasuke was barely able to keep standing.

"I... am... an AVENGER! I...will...kill you...even if takes me an entire life-time...I will kill you no matter what!" said Sasuke.

"Sasuke, I thought you were going go have a non-destructive EMO-Duel-or something or other?" asked Naruto.

"I can't do that...now that he's fighting me seriously...but...I will kill him...BECAUSE I AM AN AVENG-"

Itachi sent Sasuke flying fifty miles away with the giant hammer that Itachi always carries with him (A/N: We all know he carries one on him at all times, don't try to deny it!)

"I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET ASSWIPE!" said a pissed-off Itachi leaving the studio through the newly-made hole.

"Yo Kisame, you comin' or what?" said Itachi poking his head back inside the studio.

"What happened to your manners?" asked Kisame.

"There's a time for manners, and there's a time for ass-kicking, and this one of those times!" replied Itachi.

"Which one?" asked Kisame.

"The latter, NOW COME ON!" Itachi then continued looking for Sasuke... or at least what's left of him.

"Well...uh, sorry for the damage... catch you later, peace!" said Kisame making another hole in the wall with **_his_** giant hammer to exit the studio instead of using the original hole, or the exit door, like normal people do.

"Damn, it was less damage than what I expected, but it'll still cost a pretty penny." said Naruto picking up a piece of debris. "Well, we better get this fixed, hey Mr. Artist, could you fix this?"

"NO PROBLEM!" said a huge, booming disembodied voice.

Suddenly, a giant hand with a pencil came out of nowhere and started drawing two new sections for the broken wall.

"Thanks! Oh, and please tell the producer to take the cost out of Sasuke's paycheck!"

"WILL DO!" said the voice; the hand gave the "Nice Guy" thumbs-up sign and disappeared.

"Well, thanks to my asshole-of-a co-host, we'll have to stop the show early."

The crowd let out a murmur of disappointment.

"Don't worry, we'll be back next time...or at least I will!" said Naruto. "And to make it all up to you I'm handing out free t-shirts to the guys, and Sasuke and Itachi's cell phone numbers to the ladies!"

Everybody started cheering (especially the fangirls).

"I had a feeling that you'd like that." said a grinning Naruto.

--

Well, that chapter was disappointing, I was going to add more, but I wanted to kill this crappy chapter off quicker. Tell me what you think! I will make it up to you next time! I still have a lot of jokes to use! Keep with me people!


	4. The Japanese Laptop Massacre

DB-Alright, I'm back let's, now start the show! (I'm feeling twitchy and impatient today!)

Disclaimer-No, I don't own Naruto.

Nor do I own rights to make jokes to real people something relating to that...blah, blah, blah! Just don't rat on me. I don't get money for this anyway.

And please be patient with my updating; don't take me off your favorite or alert list please! It takes time to make a good Fanfic!

I'm also aware of Sakura's personality change. The reason is that she's only hardcore when partying and/or alcohol is involved.

This chapter is also going to have some randomness and some oocness. You have been warned!

--

The camera pans over the audience for the fourth time in this fanfiction, the people yell excitedly. The camera final focuses on the dark stage. The lights come on revealing the hosts of the N and S Show! Here they are! Naruto and Sakura! Wait a second...Sakura? WTF!?

"Hey people! Your favorite Hyper-active Knuckle-head Ninja! Naruto here!" said Naruto proudly.

"And I'm the beautiful and intelligent Sakura!" said the pink-haired kunoichi. "I'll be filling in for Sasuke who is currently MIA...for the second time in his life."

Many Sasuke fangirls in the audience start bawling their eyes out.

"Don't worry ladies, we'll find Sasuke promise!" said Naruto giving the nice-guy pose. "Well, here are our first pair of the show today, the weapon mistress of Konoha, Tenten, and the white-eyed genius, Hyuga Neji!"

The crowd cheers as Tenten comes in waving to the audience while Neji just walks up coldly into his seat.

"Tenten, Neji, how are you two doing today?" asked Sakura politely.

"Awesome, I'm really glad to be here tonight!" said an upbeat Tenten.

"Meh..."replied the somber Hyuga.

"So... Tenten what have you been up too?" asked Naruto.

"I just invented this really handy gadget that will revolutionize the shinobi world!"

"Really what is it?" asked Sakura curiously!

"Here I'll show you!"

Tenten pulls out a scroll, opens it, and poof! An assault rifle magically appeared in her hand.

"What is that?" asked Naruto.

"It's this new weapon I created! It shoots out a barrage of tiny "bullets" that can pierce faster, and cause more damage than a kunai!"

Tenten then open-fires on a conveniently placed target dummy, after 10, seconds nothing is left.

"If you run out of these "bullets" you can insert a "clip" to make it work again. It even comes with a "grenade launcher," which launches explosive tag-like bullets, watch!"

Tenten presses the trigger and one of the walls of the studio is blown to pieces.

"Amazing, what do you call this new weapon Tenten?" asked Sakura.

"I call it... "a laptop!" answered Tenten.

"Nice name, but the other names like "bull-its, clip-eees, and genade thrower" don't sound too good." commented Naruto who accidentally mispronounced the names.

"Well what would you call them Naruto?" replied Tenten.

"In the same order...fanfiction, yaoi, and youtube." answered Naruto.

"Those are pretty cool names, I think I'll use them, thanks!" replied Tenten.

"Thank you for sharing your new death machine...err... invention, Tenten. Neji, what have you been up too?" asked Sakura.

"Meh..." were all the words that came out of Neji's mouth.

"Come one, give us something!" pleaded Naruto.

"Just some training with Lee and crunches..."

"Hey, where is Lee?" asked Sakura just noticing this fact.

"He's with Gai," replied Tenten. "Something about sweating their youth sweat and all that crap.

"I guess we'll get an interview some other time then..." said the bill-board brow kunoichi.

"So...Neji, is it true, you know, about you being really too emo to blush at girls?" asked Naruto.

"Who told you that?"

"Sasuke."

"Nah, I blush at pretty girls like a normal teenage guy would, that's why I don't look at Tenten too long...uh-oh!" The Hyuga merely covered his mouth trying to take back his words.

"Huh, what did you say, Neji-kun?" said Tenten playfully.

"Nothing, nothing!" said Neji blushing.

The NejixTen fangirls in the background let out a cheer.

"Well, uh, thanks for having us on your show, bye now!" The Hyuga darts out of the studio faster than you could say: OHMYGODNEJIFINALLYSLIPPEDUPANDANNOUNCEDHISFEELINGSTOWARDSTENTENZOMG!

"Neji, wait up!" said Tenten as she darts out to find Neji faster than you could say:

OHMYGODDREAMBISCUITLETINATENTENXNEJIBITINTOHISFANFIC!

"Well, uh, I guess we let in our next guests, you know them, you love them, you can't picture my new cereal box without them, the legendary Sand Siblings!" announced Naruto getting over the NejixTenten shock.

Temari and Kankuro enter the stage. Temari looks around, runs back, and drags a blushing, finger-twiddling Gaara to his seat.

"Hey, how you all doing guys!" asked Naruto happily.

"We just flew in from Sunagakure and boy, are our arms tired, but it was worth it to see our biggest fans!" replied Temari picking and examining her fan, while Kankuro starts flapping his arms, and Gaara plays the "classic joke" tone with some drums. (A/N: Sorry, if I can't explain the drum-thing better)

All that can be heard was the sound of crickets chirping.

"Well excuse us for trying a new comedy shtick" said Temari annoyed at the crowd's reaction.

"So, now that I've have been mortified for the second time today, what have you been doing in your spare time since our last encounter?" asked Sakura accepting the fact that she was mentally scarred for life.

"I'm trying work my way to be a great comedian, although not very successfully." pouted Temari.

"Kankuro, have you made any new dollies?" asked Naruto mockingly.

"THEY'RE NOT DOLLS THE'RE PUPPETS!" yelled Kankuro defensively.

"Right, right, so...did you build any new dolls?" asked Sakura again.

"Their not...uh, never mind, yes, I have just made new blue-prints for a new doll, I mean puppet, I mean DAMNIT!" replied a ticked Kankuro.

"So how far along are you?" asked Naruto.

"Sadly it'll take about two, maybe four years tops!" replied Kankuro.

"Well, you still have your other doll- I mean puppets!" said Sakura cheerfully.

"Gaara, what have you been up to?" asked the kind-hearted blond.

Gaara jumped straight out of his pants, and ran behind his chair when Naruto spoke to him.

"Gaara, you okay?" asked Naruto.

"Fine, fine!" said Gaara red in the face.

"_I've got to tell him how I feel..." _thought Gaara. "Naruto, I..."

Gaara was interrupted when Hinata made her way to the stage bearing flowers, ramen and chocolates.

"Hey, Hinata what are you doing here, not that I mind, or anything..." said Naruto greeting his admirer.

"N-Naruto...um... I was w-wondering..." said Hinata with her head down. "If we could go on a dat-." The shy Hyuga's shyness turned to rage when she saw the red-haired sand ninja.

"_Crap, he's here!" _thought Hinata as she knew about Gaara's fixation on Naruto. _"I guess I'll have to take him out of the picture first." _

Hinata dropped the gifts on the floor and cracked a smile towards Gaara.

"Gaara-kun, can we talk, outside?" said Hinata.

Gaara didn't like the idea of being separated from Naruto, but he complied with the purple-haired ninja.

Naruto started to resume his talks with the remaining siblings until they all heard a huge commotion outside.

Laptop fire is heard outside, along with voices.

"Give me back my laptop!"

"You're not getting him!"

"What's wrong with you psycho bitch!"

Gaara runs in shouting "Run for your lives!"

"Oh no you don't" said Hinata pointing the gun straight at Gaara.

"Holy crap, wait a second, why am I running, my sand will protect me!"

Hinata found a janitor mopping the floors of vomit from the last party. Hinata shoves the janitor out of the way, and takes the mop bucket. Hinata then throws the bucket at Gaara; naturally his sand shield reacts to block the bucket. Hitting Gaara with the bucket was not Hinata's plan, but rather hitting him with the contents. Water splashed all over the sand shield.

"Oh shit, my sand is useless!" replied Gaara. "God damn filler episode!"

"Say good night lover boy!" replied Hinata aiming straight at Gaara's head.

"OH SHIT!" said Gaara trying to run.

Hinata accidentally hit the cameras as Gaara ran away, which really screwed up the picture quality but the audio was still in tact.

...Please Stand By...

...Technical Difficulties...

...Please Stand By...

...Technical Difficulties...

...Please Stand By...

...Technical Difficulties...

Screams, explosions, and laptop shots are heard.

"You psycho whore!"

"Gaara, run for you're life!"

"FUCK!"

"You see, it's always the quiet ones!" said what appeared to be a pink-haired blob

"You know... she's really cute when she's angry" commented an orange-colored figure.

The cameras come back on and reveal a destroyed stage.

"GOD DAMN, who knew such a sweet girl, could cause so much damage?" said Naruto in astonishment.

"Anymore surprises before we end today's show?" asked Sakura holding a bag of ice over her injured head.

"Hello everybody!" said Kakashi walking into the studio with a wheel barrow. "What happened here?"

"HGP." answered Sakura.

"HPG?"

"Hinata Going Postal."

"Really, I guess it really is always the quiet ones. I have a surprise that might cheer you up though!" Kakashi tipps the wheel barrow over, letting a broken and tattered Sasuke fall out.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"What the fuck happened to his sorry ass?" asked Naruto.

"He tried to cross the tenth dimension and ended up like this."

Everybody gave Kakashi a "WTF?" look.

"Oh, sorry wrong anime, what I meant to say is I found him face-first in a watery ditch."

"sniff You think he'll be okay? sniff" asked Sakura concerned about Sasuke's health.

"He may recover if you stop squeezing the last remaining life out of him" replied Kakashi referring to the way the crying Sakura was holding on way to tightly to Sasuke's knocked out body. "We should probably get him to the hospital right away."

"We should." stated Naruto calmly.

"Well..."

"Well What?"

"Aren't you going take him to the hospital?"

"Meh, someone will pick him up eventually, plus Sakura is little busy right now, it would be hard to remove him from her panicked clutches."

"You could try to pry him out"

"I could, but I won't"

"Sometimes you're pretty evil Naruto."

"Yeah well boys will be boys, excuse me." Naruto faces the audience. "Well, that's our show for the day, and please, wish Sasuke a quick and relatively painless recovery! See you next time!"

The audience lets out a cheer and starts exiting the studio.


	5. Why Lee Should Never Go to Mardi Gras

DB-Hello loyal slaves... I mean readers! Thanks for being patient yet again. I just want to thank you for your patience. Well here's the next chapter! I was planning on having two guests, but I think Lee deserves to be the center stage for this chapter, seeing as how he couldn't make it last time (reference last chapter). Well, here you go people!

Warning: This Chapter contains a lot of cussing, viewer discretion is advised.

Declaimer-You all know what I'm going to say about a certain anime series with an orange jumpsuit-wearing boy, right?

I also don't own any reference jokes that I may have slipped in by accident or design either.

**AND I WILL NEVER HAVE YAOI IN THIS FIC!!! **

**I WILL NOW BE USING PRESENT TENSE FOR THINGS LIKE "SAID" AND "REPLIED" FROM NOW ON TO ELIMINATE CONFUSION **

--

The spotlights pan over the excited audience. Rabid fangirls start clawing and screaming to see some actual SasukeXNaruto in this Fanfic for once. The cameras focus in on the stage, revealing the host of the N and S show, Uzumaki Naruto, and a bandaged, hospital-gown wearing Sasuke.

"Nice to see you again, people!" says Naruto cheerfully "As you can see, Sasuke has made a full recovery, except for the fact that he may never have kids..."

All the fangirls start to faint.

"Naruto that's total bull, don't scare my fan club like that!" says Sasuke scoldingly. "He's just joking girls, calm down, I love you all, stay pretty!" says Sasuke smiling and giving the nice guy pose.

The fangirls respond with happy squeals of glee to Sasuke's remark.

"Why are you all sunshine and butterflies? Back in the other chapters of this Fic you were always so emo and dark. What gives this time?"

"That would be the beauty of morphine my friend!"

"That makes sense. So I'm guessing that since you're still awake, you can still feel at least some of the pain, right?"

"Of course but why are yo-"

Sasuke is interrupted by a huge smack to the ribs from Naruto. Poor Sasuke never saw it coming and the shock causes him to, believe it or not, start openly crying from the pain.

"Naruto sniff that really hurt sniff!" states the pained Sasuke.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist! I'm not going to get the opportunity to get in a free shot on you everyday, right?" says Naruto grinning from ear to ear.

"I need a hug..."

And with that sentence, every Sasuke fan-girl within earshot ran over to Sasuke to embrace him.

"Alright, time to get the show on the road, who's our first guest today?"

"I think our first guest is Lee."

Being buried under a mountain of fangirls muffles Sasuke's voice.

"Alright then, here he is, the Green Beast of Konoha, Rock Lee a.k.a. Bushy Brows!"

The spotlight shines on the left-side of the stage waiting for Lee to make his entrance, but there is no sign of him.

"Huh, that's odd. I SAID THE GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA, ROCK LEE!" repeats Naruto even louder.

"For the last FREAKING TIME! THE GREEN BEAST OF KO-"

"Fuck off, I'm a coming, you dumbass cunt!" yells a familiar voice.

Lee stumbles on stage, red faced and sleepy-eyed.

"The fuck you want, you tangerine-colored dipshit!?" says Lee rudely.

"Uh lee... you doing alright?" asks Naruto concerned.

"I FEEL UNFUCKING BELEIEVABLE!

A weak-hearted person in the crowd passes out from Lee's excessive cursing.

Sasuke popes his head out of the pile of fangirls "Lee, I think you've had enough booze for one day."

"I'll tell you when I have enough you girly-haired rape victim, now ask me your damn questions, or fuck off, so I can get back to drinking!" replies Lee taking another sip of sake.

"Orochimaru only gave me a back rub, with scented oil, he respected my personal space damn it!" states Sasuke. "He was a misunderstood man with a heart of gold!"

"Really Sasuke!?" asks Naruto, eyes wide in astonishment.

Sasuke breaks out in laughter. "Naw, just messing with you, he was the biggest pedophile I ever saw! The only thing that kept me from getting ass-raped was the fact that I taped my butt-cheeks shut. Sure I couldn't use the bathroom, but it was worth it!" Sasuke's stomach begins to rumble. "Speaking of which; excuse me ladies!" Sasuke then dashes off as fast as he can to the nearest restroom (Well, as fast as a critically injured guy with casts all over his body can run).

"Alright then Lee, people want to know, what regiments do you take everyday to keep yourself at peek physical condition?" asks Naruto.

"I do two hours of cardio in the morning and at night" replies Lee.

"Could you be more specific?"

"I like to call the exercises, doing your mom!" Lee starts laughing his ass off.

"You motherfucker!"

"Yup that's what I do! This is my rifle this is my gun, this is for fight, and this is for fun!" cheers Lee as he starts streaking in front of the entire crowd of people.

Everybody starts shrieking in pure terror.

"Lee! Where are you, I have something important to tell you?" asks Sakura carrying a letter in her hand.

"I knew you would come crawling back to me, now give me some sugar bitch!" says Lee glomping onto Sakura still naked as a new-born baby.

Sakura then grabs Lee by the forearm and breaks every bone in his wrist.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop you crazy bitch!" says Lee wincing in agony.

"PUT SOME CLOTHES ON TOO!" yells Sakura.

Lee complies with her demands and starts putting on his water-melon colored jumpsuit.

"Lee I have some good news and some bad news" states Sakura solemnly. "First the good news; you have a serious case of hepatitis, and you'll be dead within a month without a seriously risky and painful operation."

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE BAD NEWS!?" says Lee starting to panic.

"The bad news is that I lost the medical file that stated you had hepatitis in a mess of paper work... when I finally found it, I discovered that the date is a month old!"

Lee turns pale white and faints on the floor.

"Oh God, time to get him to the hospital" says Sakura slinging Lee over his shoulders.

"Sakura-chan, do you think that Bushy Brows will live?" asks Naruto.

"Of course, if I leave right this second, he'll defiantly make it."

Naruto pulls out a thousand dollars worth of cash from his pocket.

"Do you think that you could, oh I don't know, get lost on your way to the hospital?"

"NARUTO! I would never risk a patient's life for a thousands dollars worth of dead American presidents!" says Sakura in shock.

"How's fifteen-hundred sound?" replies Naruto.

"Deal!" says Sakura snagging the cash out of Naruto's hand. "Now where was the hospital again?"

"Well, that's all the time we have for today. I hope you had a good time."

The sound of a toilet flushing is heard throughout the studio.

"WOW, I think I lost twenty pounds!" says Sasuke returning to his seat with some toilet paper trailing him from behind, attached to the bottom of his shoe. "So, what I miss?"

"A lot... it's the end of the show, Lee just left." states Naruto with an evil smile.

"Oh, well than I can give the audience their special treat now. Everyone, I'm going to announce who the first guest of our next show is going to be, and when I mean "I" I mean Naruto."

"Why do I have to do it!?" asks Naruto.

"Just do it idiot, here!" Sasuke hands an envelope to Naruto. "It has the name of the next guest written on it, go on read it!"

Naruto opens the envelope and starts to read the letter.

"The next guest of The N and S Show is... Kyubi no kitsune!? Sasuke, how do you plan on doing that?"

Sasuke then whacks Naruto over the head with a giant mallet

"Oh you'll find out soon enough, dumbass." says Sasuke smirking. "Okay kiddies; see ya next time on The N and S Show!"

--

DAMN THAT TOOK A LONG TIME! Sorry, but I had computer problems, and laziness issues.

Just a reminder but I will also be posting a Kingdom Hearts Fic very soon. It will be called _Sino Ako_. If you know a "specific foreign language" then it'll be easier to catch on in the "mysterious" parts. But keep in mind, the language will be slightly "jumbled" and have mispronunciations, and grammar problems, due to the fact that one of the characters only remembers bits and pieces of it. BUT DON"T WORRY IT"LL BE IN ENGLSIH FOR THE MOST PART!

WELL SEE YA!


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